We all have to get naked.

Note to readers: Today’s post is a bit more adult, in a Judy Blume kind of way.

Dear Dad,

So I got my math test back from Mrs. Fletcher and guess what? She says I am officially a math idiot. Me and two other kids who look completely retarded—Eugene Tinkham and Larry Melding. These guys are the dorks of the school. Mrs. Fletcher even invited the three of us up to the front of the class to correct our mistakes on the board. I bet these new kids think I’ve always been a math dork, even though I swear I really was good at math last year. What I don’t understand is how all the other kids from Mrs. Rommel’s class did so much better than me. Did they take secret classes over the summer?

I’m pretty sure Mrs. Fletcher is doing something wrong with this whole testing thing. Either that, or the whole school system is evil and corrupt. It’s possible.

I’ve been trying to imagine what must have happened to Mrs. Fletcher during her childhood to make her so mean now. I’m guessing she was always ugly and unpopular and that kids were always mean to her. Her back was always covered in kick me signs and boys wiped their boogers on her book covers. So when she grew up, she decided to become a teacher to get her revenge. Now she is the evil math troll.

Speaking of trolls, today I got dressed for P.E. right next to Rusty Foster. We have to wear jockstraps in P.E., which means we all have to get naked right next to each other. It is totally gross and further proof of the evilness of the whole school system. What is the point of making kids my age get naked? Anyway, Rusty is this red-haired kid whose entire body is covered in freckles. He’s one of the tallest kids in our class and a total dork, but not like Eugene or Larry. But let me tell you, his thing is huge. It looks like the penis of a grown man. And hairy, too. It reminded me of when we used to all go to Steel Lake to go swimming. We’d change in the men’s room and there’d always be some naked old guy coming out of the showers and standing right next to you, like he wanted to make sure you saw how naked he was.

Nothing like a giant, naked, hairy thing to make a kid feel inadequate.

This may be a weird question, but, based on your own anatomy, do I have any chance of getting anywhere near that big? Is this something I should worry about?

All in all, it was a lousy day.

Your son,

Trevor